Ed Finch

by Minh Duong

Ed Finch’s face crumpled into wrinkles as he silently winced at each hair he tugged from his round face. Leaning against the loose cabinets, he glared into the mirror, running his eyes through the rough surfaces of his flaky skin in search of the small hairs randomly sprouting from his double chin. Pluck! Pluck! Pluck! He pulled. If only his razor hadn’t been broken, and he’d invested in a brand name one they often advertised on TV. The tweezers attacked each strand until he saw no other. Ed reached into his doorless medicine cabinet, and grabbed the tube of Vaseline. He squirted the yellow ooze onto his finger, then carefully dabbed it onto the red puffiness glowing from his pale skin.

Next, came the hair. Ed spewed out a line of white bubbly gel from the Celebrity Care hair supply kit onto his comb. The blond, smiley guy from the street corner had a bagful of the gels. He handed Ed a small bottle of the “free stuff,” and Ed admired the young man’s nicely combed locks. He was sure this new product would be a hit to rid his hair of its tangled mess. Ed gently combed his hair, bathing it evenly with the Celebrity gel. Standing back, hands on his hips, Ed looked into the mirror. He moved his hips left and right, left and right, and grinned at his spiffy image. What hard work for a night out, he thought.

It had been a while since he had had a date. He dated once before. Sally was a brunette with a taste for expensive items and frequent trips to the mall. He had met her several times at “Believe It Or Not,” a comic store that sometimes carried his comic strips of Action Guy, a character of his imagination who lived alone in a room tucked away in a building in the far corner of the city and had the combined powers of all the famous super heroes. There was no doubt that women found Action Guy charming. Sally mentioned that she was a fan of his comics. Ed believed her for four months, until she called him up one day and asked him to borrow money.

“Ed, you got some money I can borrow?” Sally was a blunt girl.
“ What for?” Ed squinted his eyes with one brow raised in suspicion.
“ What for? What for! Why do you need to know?” she said with shame, then more gently, she added, “Don’t you trust me?” Ed could see her long eyelashes winking at him, and her lips coming to a begging pout.
“ I just wanna know what you want with the money, is all.”
“ To buy some decent clothes so I can dress nicely and be professional for work. And if I look professional, I will be hired. Then, I wouldn’t have to borrow your money. Never, ever again. Wouldn’t you like that, Ed? Just a few bills. I promise you’ll get them back. How about that?”
“ What about the stuff we got last week? Those clothes don’t fit you no more?”
“ This is different. This is much better. C’mon, Ed. You’ll see this is worth the money. Quit fussing. Come by my place, all right? Yeah? You’ll come, right? Right, Ed?”
“ I’ll be there in half an hour,” he lied. She hung up and he could hear her excitement behind the other line. Ed never showed up to meet Sally. She was too expensive to date, he decided. After Sally, Ed decided not to bother falling in love with another woman who unexpectedly said she was a fan of Action Guy instead of him.

No, tonight would be different. He could smell the freshness of the night air. The fragrance actually came from the scented candles he was burning to set up the romantic mood of the evening. Something positive would occur. He was sure of it. His friend Dexter, a fan of Action Guy, had introduced him to the new girl, although Ed had never seen her before. She was thirty-two, five years younger than him. Dexter said that if a girl didn’t mind that he was a few years older than her, he should be flattered and take her out. Her name was Karen, and she sounded happy over the phone, her voice breaking into sudden laughs throughout the five-minute friendly exchange. Ed wasn’t much of a talker, so he was glad when she said, “Great! I’ll see you Thursday.”

Flipping through his collection of button down shirts, he contemplated whether to wear the stripes, solids, or polka dots. He picked out a blue solid. A clean shirt, a clean first impression on his new blind date. Standing before the mirror, he looked himself up and down. Perfect. Clean teeth, nice smile. His hair perfectly gelled and sculptured in its place. Whistling his birdlike tunes out the door, he grabbed his backpack, his personal travel baggage. It went everywhere with him in case he stumbled upon a good sale and had to buy many things. Plus, his wallet was in the bag, and money was important when he needed to treat Karen to dinner. Locking his door, he heard the loud music coming from the room down the hallway. The door of the trash chute was broken, and it spread the stench of spoiled eggs, left over pizzas, and bad fish. Ed walked down the narrow stairway that creaked with every beat of his thick-soled shoes. His round figure was just able to fit between the old walls.

The front gates threw him into a burst of fresh air he rarely felt in his box of an apartment. Many lights were on and the passing cars zoomed by in the busy city. Walking down Hyde Street, he thought about where he would take his date for dinner. He liked Mexican food, and since he was paying, he would choose where they’d eat. Gordo’s or Chevy’s? Chevy’s had comfortable seating, but it was loud and often crowded. A little too much excitement for him. Gordo’s had fewer people at this time. Plus, he was hungry, and they were fast servers. Bottom line, Chevy’s was expensive for a first dinner with a girl he had never seen. He had to weigh in on the pros and cons. His comic strip paycheck was decent, but he had to watch his wallet. He learned from his last girlfriend, Sally, to never offer too much until you’re sure. Ed had to be cautious. He’d buy her flowers just in case she didn’t like the food. There were usually some flowers that already blossomed and the florist would put on sale. That was it!

He walked swiftly through the crowds of smokers who puffed away at their cigarettes. The late coffee drinkers sat outside Joe’s Drinks slurping their caffeine. Ed wanted to search quickly for some flowers. Market Street was busy with its many shoppers. It was 7:10. He would meet Karen at 7:20 in front of Salon World, where she worked, giving people great haircuts. Ed decided it would be a good idea to stop by the grocery store he often went to to check himself in the mirror one more time. It even had flowers. He was sure of it.

He stepped into the shop, bought some flowers, and went down the stairs to the tiny restroom tucked away behind large beer containers. It was 7:15. He had to hurry. Two glances in the mirror and he still looked good with his glossy hair. The Vaseline did a great job smoothing out the redness caused by his tweezers. Ed was good to go. Before he left, he noticed some of his favorite beers on sale. Gosh, he couldn’t carry them all now. The sale must wait. He could probably cut short the date and catch the storeowner before he closed.

Right out of the grocery shop and two blocks down, he froze. Ed felt his back bare. His backpack was gone. He scanned the streets. Maybe he dropped it somewhere. He ran back to the liquor store. It was now 7:30.

“I lost my bag!” he squeaked.

“What bag? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The storeowner seemed annoyed, eyeing the faces behind Ed.

“Help me find it! I know I lost my bag somewhere in your store. I must have! I just bought these flowers from you!” Ed furiously shook the bouquet of delicate, mixed colors.

“This is none of my business! What you lose is your problem. I’m doing business here! No backpack! This is not a lost and found! Next!” A line of customers had formed behind the counter with their hands full of the beer that was on sale. They did not look pleased. Nervous, Ed checked the store himself. Then he ran downstairs, and in the restroom, he found his backpack.

It was now 7:50. He went to Salon World and saw that no one was there to greet him. Karen said she loved pink and would wear it tonight. The black paint on the graffitied windows of Salon World was all he saw. No lady in pink stood waiting for Ed. A tallish young man in a suit passed him. The man glanced at Ed from his shiny hair to his backpack and his old black shoes. Ed followed the man’s gaze and thought that he saw a smirk in the stranger’s face. He looked away and turned his body to face the window. Ed peeked through the glass and seeked for Karen in the dark shop. His eyes searched behind the counter and throughout the salon, but he found the place empty. Ed gripped his bags tightly and shuffled his shoulders when the straps on his backpack began to slip. He stood close to the window, away from the sidewalk of people, and rubbed his left shoe against the cement. Ed began to pace on his feet and hoped that Karen would show up soon.

When both ends of the street produced no woman in pink, Ed decided that Karen was probably impatient and left, but that didn’t matter. Ed found his bag, saved some money on restaurant food, and found some cheap beer. If she couldn’t wait for him, that was her loss. Ed turned to the direction of the shop and started to walk. After he bought his prized beer, Ed went back to his apartment. With his backpack clinging to his back and his hands weighted down by the plastic bags loaded with beer cans, he slumped back and forth down the sidewalk, keeping his head down and staying to the side. People passed him with their happy voices and delighted conversations. He thought about Dexter. Never take another offer from him again, Ed thought. He wondered if his Action Guy fans were reliable anymore.

When he got back to the apartment building, he squished his way along the stairs to his room and locked his apartment doors. He set the beer bags by the front door and headed to the kitchen. Ed’s famished stomach was growling. He opened the fridge, but the near empty racks only had one frozen dish in the bottom shelf and several bottles of water. Because he had anticipated on eating out, Ed hadn’t cooked earlier in the day, and he ate all the leftovers from the previous night for lunch. He slid the frozen food container into the microwave and pushed start. As the machine hummed and spun his food on the turntable, Ed filled an empty beer bottle with water and shoved the flowers into the tiny opening. Without turning on the light, he headed to his couch and put the can on the television set. It was Ed now with his one-person frozen entrée and the late night infomercials.