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Maira Khamisani
Arab Women Novelists
Professor: Mohammad Jiyad
The Arab World:
Gender interactions, Sexuality and Consequences
Men are from mars and women are from Venus. This popular saying, speaks of the separation existing between men and women universally. How would this be applied specifically to the Arab world. This paper serves to analyze the books read during the course of this semester and understand how gender interactions, concepts of separation and sexuality are carried out in the Arab world. The books deal with a wide range, they are from different countries found in the Middle East, their characters are from different class backgrounds, histories, and circumstances. Some like Asya and Saif belong to the elite class, whereas others like Ihsan and Nadia who are Palestinian move to Baraquis, a rich oil state to make their money. Umar and Sa?d like Maha and Harb are exposed to fight for freedom, Umar aligned with the resistance, whereas Harb fights with his tribe against the English occupying Jordan. However these different circumstances fail to suppress common threads that link all of these characters together. The codes of honor and dishonor, the concept of what is right and wrong. These codes are most exemplified within the realm of gender interaction, prior to and after marriage. As a cpnsequence there exists a certain separation between these men and women despite their marriages or relationships. It seems that the understanding of the opposite sex, is only till certain degrees after which there is none. This is especially prominent within three novels, a woman of five seasons, Dreams of trespass and In the Eye of the sun.
The examples stemming from Ahdaf Soueif? In the Eye of the Sun , deal with how the modernized, Westernized Arab woman views her sexuality and how attitudes towards pre-marital sex and adultery effect this certain type of woman. The novel focuses on one main character Asya whose family and upbringing is very much exposed to Western ways of life, in the sense, that they champion, Western education, send Asya abroad to study, and do not oppose her entering a coed college in Egypt. Asya unlike Chrissie a very close friend of hers is expected to go on and get a PHD after her under-graduate studies. However at the same time her experiences of Westernization are almost pushed aside as pararrel to these forces there is an expectation that she shall retain Arab cultural values regardless of her exposure. As the novel moves along we find that there are some cultural values that they are not willing to compromise. Soueif highlights these values in Asya? stream of consciousness, which is a very prominent part of the book. Asya ends up going against many of the specifics, fixed in dealing with how she is meant to interact with men and therefore discover her sexuality before and after marriage. While reading the book the reader slowly becomes acquainted with Asya? confusion and realizes her fragility as a human being, as a female and more importantly as an Arab women dealing with forces from two cultures at the same time. Compared to the characters in the other books we find that Asya faces a unique situation as far as sexual gender interaction is concerned. We find her in the beginning struggling to create a delicate balance that is required of one with an almost hybrid, transnational identity. She is expected to be Western in many ways, particularly as far as her education and intellectualism is concerned, to the extent that her mother even tells her that she must give her PhD more importance compared to the fact that she feels like she is ready for marriage. Marriage as highlighted in the examples above holds great value for women and is portrayed as something that each of them must indulge in.
Asya falls in love with Saif during her years at college in Egypt. We are never entirely sure of how much her parents know of her relationship with Saif. Her mother is aware of the fact that she wants to marry him but it is apparent that neither her mother nor her father are conscious of the fact that she goes to visit him at his house every Sunday. However through Chrissie the reader is aware of how strict some parents can be about their daughters interacting with men even if they are their peers in college. When Chrissie? father finds out about the fact that she was seen walking in the streets with Bassam she has to face serious consequences and Asya is there to witness them.
"From today on you are not going to university anymore. It? over. You will stay at home and help your mother until you get married" . No protesting helped change his mind, he accused his daughter of being a criminal and when Chrissie tried to speak a heavy crystal ashtray was hurled at her. One can imagine what Asya would have to go through, if Chrissie, who was innocently accompanying Bassam to the bus stop had to face such dire straits. There are two incidents during Saif and Asya? pre-marital relationship that shall be highlighted in this essay. One is their stay in Beirut and the other is the stay in London. These are relevant because one stresses the ideas on sex that Asya has before she leaves for Italy and the other shows how these have changed. Whereas in Beirut Asya does contemplate about making love to Saif, "it is great to be sinful. Sinful in Beirut" . Even though Asya tells Saif that she is not afraid of society and the consequences that she may have to pay for having pre-marital sex she is still hesitant about her offer. When Saif does not take her up on the offer telling her that it would not be a good idea, he points out that she is ?elieved? It is true that Asya at this point is very unsure of herself and how she should act. We can see the cultural context come in she thinks " Here in Beirut she feels him warm and growing moving against her body. But she is too shy to look. She wants to put her hand down there and feel him but what would we he think of her" . Asya is torn by what she wants to do and the pressures of how men perceive women who are too confident about sexual activity, she is aware of this even with Saif the man she loves. However if we compare this to London when she is returning from Italy we find a much more assertive Asya, she is open about what she wants in fact she is willing to argue and even beg Saif.
" ?lease, she said. ?lease Saif take them off? I held her hand
and bent to kiss her but she broke free and fumbled at the zip
?lease Saif I want you so??I want you too Princess, but??No
Please, please, I want you inside me??One day Ill come inside you
No. Not one day, Saif. Now. Please. You want me I know you do. And
I want you so much. And it? right I know it? right??No it isn?? She sat back
?hy? Why isn? it??- ?ecause we?e not married. ?hat does that
matter we are not married because they wont let us get married??"
The only way that Saif can make her stop is promising her "all right, itll have to be tomorrow" . However Saif and Asya do end up waiting till the get married, compliments of Saif not Asya. What changed Asya, was her trip to Italy, it was in Italy that she let go of the restrictions on her while in Egypt with her Egyptian boyfriend and explored another world with Umberto and briefly with a boxer type man who had a broken nose. In the beginning of her trip we can see a stronger tug towards Arab ness. She declines Umberto? invitation for dinner. She speaks of her trip on the boat as a " cheap vulgar situation", even though she admits to enjoying it she is confused and irritated with herself. However she soon collapses to what she wants to do?rather than what she ought to do. She accepts Umberto? invitation for dinner. She then works out an arrangement with Umberto, where they could be intimate as long as she does not loose her virginity. Something she had imagined herself saying a long time ago
To Taha, Chrissie? brother. Umberto asks her if she wants to remain a virgin to which Asya replies that she does, also making it clear to him that she likes him but loves Saif.
" She is delighted, this is so wonderful. So much of the opposite
of everything she has ever known. People sleeping with each other
but pretending not to. People suspecting people of sleeping with each
other. Hiding. Covering up tracks. Here it? all the other way around
and she loves it she can go on seeing him and listening to him and going
places with him" .
Asya thinks of how wonderful it is to be her own person and not have to think about other people in regards to what she wants to do. She does not care what her friends in Italy think of her or her nation? politics. Who cares if Carlo thinks that the Arabs are fighting the Jews because they are anti-Semitic, or if he thinks Nasser is a fascist. Asya knows exactly what Saif, her father or her mother would have said about the friends she had made in Italy but she does not want to bother with that. "Time enough she will go back to that" . Till then Asya is delighted at having the chance to think her own thoughts and not wonder how she got them, " not to have her mother?, father? or Saif? superimposed so that she cannot truly tell which is which. So that she cannot tell if the thoughts she has managed to are have are arrived at freely or in sympathy ?or in reaction" . Here Asya recognizes how she feels like she cannot make her own decisions and Italy has given her the chance to do so. Italy, the West or Western culture, here she has to worry about no one, she can do what she pleases, when she pleases. It is the beginning of Asya, formally recognizing individualism in the novel. However she is still not free from what Mernissi would describe as the ?rontiers of the mind? Because after the encounter with the boxer, while sleeping next to Umberto, Asya feels the desire and wants more but at the same time she wakes Umberto up, so that he may stop. Later on when Umberto offers to marry her if she looses her virginity to him she refuses. The fact that Asya chooses to remain a virgin in Italy but offers herself to Saif in London, is due to her knowing or believing that she and Saif would be married. So the idea of premarital sex, even though a constant debate with Asya, is limited to the person who she will eventually marry. If we observe earlier on in the novel when she tells Dada Zeina about Beirut, Asya we are able to understand the attitudes towards sexual interaction between the two genders.
The majority of the conversation which takes between Asya and her maid Dada Zeina, is Dada Zeina arguing that Saif is abnormal for not wanting to have sex and Asya defending him by making the argument that " I feel him when we are together, I mean ?I don? mean I feel his feelings. I mean I feel him. His body I feel things happening to it" . When Dada Zeina still insists that Saif should try something even though by no means should Asya actually allow it to happen, Asya insists that he "does plenty" . When Dada Zeina spells out exactly what Saif does experience sexually with Asya and she tells her not to use the literal words and insists, "It is enough" . After all her arguments about him being abnormal and not trying anything more with Asya, Dada Zeina then warns Asya about men, " Be careful, Asya. Look after yourself. Don? go to his room at the hotel. Men turn into wild beasts. In a second he changes so that you don? know him. Take care, Asya. You are well brought up. You know right from wrong and that is the biggest wrong!" . Pre-marital sex therefore is described as the biggest wrong, and if one indulges in it you bring shame not only to yourself but also to your family. This idea is perpetuated when Dada Zeina evokes the concept of upbringing. Asya was well brought so she must not, juxtaposed to if Asya was not brought up well she would.
While Asya was in Egypt the book revolves around many political issues that are going on in the Arab world at that time. Asya is very much aware and interested in the politics, there are many discussions and arguments that are held between her and her friends at college. She is genuinely interested in the Arab world, and weeps when Nasser gives up his Presidency after loosing the war with Israel. Initially when Egypt had gone to war with Israel, Asya wanted to join the Civil Defense, it was her mother at that point that urged her to wait and concentrate on her studies. " Exactly,?Asya had shouted. ?hat more can happen? What is it we have to wait for? We have gone to war!?You are not going out you are going to carry on with your work until we find out whether your exams are postponed or what?" . Here we?is in reference to the Egyptian nation, Asya at this point sees herself as part of this nation, her mother however does not speak in terms of ?e?but ?ou? Here is another example of individualism versus communalism, it is not being adopted by Asya but by her mother, Asya wants to help the nation in it? time of need on the other hand her mother encourages her disconnection from the nation at this crucial time, and urges her to concentrate on herself as an individual. Passing on the concept that the individual is more important than the community. As the novel goes on we see Asya adopting this individualistic stance in many aspects of her life, such as her marriage to Saif, her pregnancy, and her countrymen. When Asya becomes pregnant, the first think that she thinks of is how she will complete her PhD with a child. The dis-connection with the nation is pararell to Asya? discovery of her sexuality and individualism. By the time she is in England working on her dissertation she is completely disconnected from the Arab community in England and at home, and is committing adultery.
The first time Asya commits adultery, there are many thoughts that go through her head the next day. She is surprised by the fact that she feels no remorse, and she thinks of what other Arabs, or more specifically Egyptians would react to what she has done. " You are an Arab, a Muslim, if the law of your people applied you would be stoned to death.." . This shows the extent of the breach between Asya and her people, she acknowledges the fact that her act through Arab/Muslim eyes would be considered so heinous that stoning to death could be relevant for such a crime. However at the same time she feels nothing, no guilt, no remorse, no fear or confusion. To the extent that she herself is surprised.
" When Asya awakes she surprises herself. She had gone to sleep
expecting to wake to the cold finger on the heart; to the weight
of a the rock of doom settling on her chest: guilt, fear-confusion
would certainly coalesce into one mass that would settle inside her
and prevent her from breathing ?but there is nothing"
While she is initiating the act of adultery she says to herself " she, Asya as-Ulama, is committing adultery - " . The use of her last name in her thoughts in comparison to saying ?he Asya?is committing adultery is relevant as she is acknowledging the fact that there is more at stake in this act then just her the individual, Asya, in fact it is Asya al-Ulema the daughter of Ulema family that is committing adultery. This last name ties her down to her family and to her community. This is relevant in highlighting the fact that no matter how much Western values Asya has incorporated within herself, she is still very much aware of what she as an Arab woman is supposed to restrain from and it still remains very much a part of her thoughts. Therefore "frontiers?dealing with gender interactions, can be crossed, broken, trespassed but that does not mean that they are still not there. The fact that you cross over a boundary does not make the boundary vanish, it just places you in a different space, the boundary itself remains where it always was. That is exactly what happens with Asya. She exists in a different space but, the frontiers are still there no matter where she chooses to exist, Italy or England, and that is because she cannot shake of her identity no matter how hard she tries, she is who she is, Asya al-Ulema wife of Saif Madi.
Fatima Mernissi?, Dreams of Trespass is an autobiography focusing on life in a Harem, in the city of Fez, Morocco. Mernissi? family is of an Upper Middle class status, however their lifestyle is remarkably different from what the female characters have to deal with in the other novels. Here we see physical separation of men and women to an extent not witnessed in the other novels. Attitudes regarding sexual activity are obviously influenced by this environment. If we take Asya who is the transnational elite and is exposed to men not only of Arabic background, but foreigners and compare her to the women in the harem who cannot move beyond their four walls without the permission of a male member of the family the difference in origin of such attitudes becomes apparent. For example the thought of pre-marital sex that Asya struggles against cannot even be imagined by these women. The question is not whether these women would want to or not want to indulge in this particular activity it is the simple fact that there is absolutely no way they could indulge in it even if they chose to. These women are not exposed to Western traditions, the exposure is only to the point of being able to see foreign French, American and English soldiers in the streets. To understand the attitude towards gender interaction and thus towards sexual activity, Mernissi tells us of her father? understanding of how things were meant to be from an Islamic/ cultural perspective. " When Allah created the earth, said Father, He separated men from women, and put a sea between Muslims and Christians for a reason. Harmony exists when each group respects the prescribed limits of the other: trespassing leads only to sorrow and unhappiness" . However, even though this merging of sexual politics with the politics of the nation, which at that point was undergoing occupation by the French and English, was meant to discourage women from questioning their frontiers "women dreamed of trespassing all the time. The world beyond the gate was their obsession. They fantasized all the time about parading unfamiliar streets, while the Christians kept crossing the seas and bringing death and chaos" . This section of the paper dealing with Mernissi? boom shall focus on the concept of ?rontiers?in reference to Harems and how this effects gender interaction and therefore attitudes towards sexual interaction.
In the fifth chapter of Dreams of Trespassing we find Samir and Fatima struggling with the concept of the Harem. The decided that every woman had her own perspective on what a Harem was and if this was a positive or negative concept. At the end there were always two camps for and against the Harem. Grandmother Lalla Mani, who was in the ?or?camp observes that, " if women were free to run about in the streets, men would stop working because they would want to have fun, and unfortunately she went on fun did not help a society produce food and goods it needed to survive. So if famine were to be avoided, women would have to stay in their place at home" . Therefore according to Lalla Mani, for the betterment of society as a whole, women had to sacrifice their freedom, whether it is physical or sexual for the betterment of society. This can be seen as directly opposing to the evolution of individualism that takes place within Asya as her exposure to the West grows and finally, it comes to a full circle when she commits adultery. Whereas Lalla Mani praises the Harem? ability to make men and women "invisible to each other so that they can perform their duties" . The most interesting theory however was presented by Chamma as she described how she believed Harems got started. She described how the men came up with a way of appointing a Sulta, this would depend on who would catch the most women. When the men contemplated over this idea they decided that they need to ensure proof that the women were captured and that is when they came up with the idea of Harems. " And that? how the idea of building houses got started. Houses with gates and locks were needed to contain the women" . Here the term ?ontain?holds great relevance. Containment of women is not just physical but refers to sexual containment as well. The proof that these women belonged to the men who had captured and now needed to be contained for that one man, in order for him to gain power and a higher level of respect in society. This can be linked with the episode between Chrissie and her father. In Egypt the frontiers were not physical as in Morocco but there were definitely present, undefined in physical space but looming large within the minds of these women. This was explained by Yasmina when she defines a harem to Fatima, "in addition a harem did not need walls. Once you knew what was forbidden you carried the Harem within, you had it in your head, ?nscribed under your forehead and under your skin.?". Asya who did not abide by the rules and regulations of the Harem, let us know that she recognized the frontiers through her thought process, but chose to ignore them. Chamma then adds a twist to her story, while this worldwide race was going on the Arabs did well in capturing women and locking them up. However they were so busy with containing the women that they did not realize that the Christians got together and decided to change the rules of the game. The new rule was that who ever can build the most powerful weapons and bigger ships gets to be the Sulta. The Arabs unaware of this change went to sleep thinking they knew the rules.
"The Arabs finally woke up a few weeks ago,?
a French king is now ruling in our part of the world
he has a huge palace in Paris called the Ely see and
He has, oh surprise only one wife! No Harem in sight
And that single wife spends her time running in the streets
with a short skirt and a low neckline. Everybody can stare
at her ass and bosom, but no one doubts for a moment that
the president of the French Republic is the most powerful
man in the world".
Chamma is contradicting the idea that men can gain power through suppressing their women, and with references to the way the French ?ing??wife dressed, ?hort skirts, low necklines showing her ass and bosom?she is referring to sexual liberation as well as physical liberation ?pends her time running in the streets? Therefore she is also contradicting Lalla Mani, when she states that ?o one will ever doubt that the President of the French Republic is the most powerful man in the world, therefore the French nation is powerful and through this one can conclude that frontiers in relation to women do not play an important role in helping society function, or progress. These two opinions on Harems also offer an insight on the way men? sexuality was viewed. Men were thought to be extremely sexualized in the sense that they could not control their sexual urges. This view was especially held by the women of the elder generation who were supported the Harem. It is these women who had to deal with their husbands taking other wives. The whole concept of the wives being supportive of each other and friendly stems from the belief that it is natural for men to want more than one woman at a time even though he is married, and it is even more natural for him to indulge in fulfilling his desires. Consequently the women who opposed the Harem, would not tolerate more than one wife for example Fatima? mother.
For entertainment purposes the women in the harem at Fez would often get together and stage shows for each other. These shows would mostly compromise of plays that the women would stage. Chamma would love to stage plays about Princess Asmahan of Lebanon, which was a popular choice amongst the women in the Harem. Asmahan was described by Mernissi as being
"totally oblivious of Arab culture, past and present and totally
absorbed by her own fatally tragic quest for happiness. She
could not have cared less what happened on the planet. All
she wanted was to dress up, put flowers in her hair, look dreamy,
sing, and dance away in the arms of a loving man, who would be
as romantic as she ?a warm affectionate man who had the courage
to split away from the group and dance publicly with the woman he loved".
This aristocrat figure provided the women of the Harem the escape that they needed from the rigid lifestyle of the Harem. The fact that she had no knowledge of Arab culture, she was oblivious of the ?rontiers?that were imposed through this particular way of life. It is only because she was oblivious of this was she able to champion what she thought was the only thing that could bring her happiness. Once again we have an Arab woman breaking away from communal expectations and adopting individualism. The fact that she longs for romance, and closeness with a man and declares it in her music makes her accept her sexuality and enforces this fact upon the Arab nation. " Arab women, forced to dance alone in closed-off courtyards, admired Asmahan for realizing their dreams of hugging a man close in Western-style dance and swaying with him in a tight embrace. Aimless enjoyment with a man by your side also totally engaged in the same, was the image that Asmahan projected" Through her music and life Asmahan created an image of a woman that contradicted what was generally expected for Arab women. She made them aware of their desires and the fact that it was normal to have them. She also portrayed another side of men that was not always visible in the Harem. A man who desires romance as much as the woman, and indulges her and himself with the idea. Unfortunately her life was short and ended tragically in a mysterious car accident. Mernissi states " Her life was as fascinating as any fairy tale, although it had a tragic end as one would expect ?an Arab woman could not seek sensuous enjoyment, frivolous entertainment, and happiness and get away with it . The importance the women of the Harem gave to realizing such sentiments that Asmahan stirred was exemplified when Mernissi compares her to Oum-Kelthoum, ? poor girl with a golden voice?who was discovered in an Egyptian village, and made her way to stardom through her hard-work and determination. To the Arab women she served as an example of " an unusually determined, self-assured Arab woman who had a purpose in life?Oum Kelthoum always thought about the right and noble things ?the Arabs plight and their pain in the humiliating present ?and gave voice to our nationalist yearnings for independence" . However the women did not love her as much as they loved Asmahan. Oum-Kelthoum? music did not touch the women as deeply as she spoke of a world (nationalistic movements) that they were excluded from, and was restricted only to the men? salon. Whereas Ahsmahan could be related to in regards to the suppressed gender interaction in the Harem. The interaction between the male and female youth alike was limited in the harem, due to the super-imposed regulations of the male elders. Mernissi describes how young unmarried men and women would sometimes break the rules and go up to the terrace. Officially men were not allowed on the terrace as it was meant only for women. "how safe would the harems be if men were allowed to roam from one terrace to the next? Contact between the sexes could all too easily occur, especially during the spring and summer" . In the Mernissi household the women? terrace looked right into the terrace of the neighboring house, and the Bennis family had "any girls as well as boys of marriageable age" . During the summer youths from both households would come up to the terraces where glances and smiles would be exchanged. Sometimes the more talented ones would sing popular songs while the others would listen. This was the extent of interaction between the youths described by Mernissi. No one attempted to speak to anyone from the opposite sex, however there was an acknowledgment of interest as they would all come out on to the terrace. " Each family kept to its own ground, but glances and smiles crisscrossed and trespassed, and sinful lust floated all around" .
The most poignant part of the novel is when the division between men and women in the Harem succeeds in dividing Fatima and Samir, who until this point in the book have been portrayed as the best of friends. This was the image Asmahan projected" . Asmahan projected within her learn about everything together and are inseparable till final fifteen pages. The beginning of the end for the two friends is when Samir got thrown out of the Hammam, which is the bathing place for women, when lady accused him of having a "very erotic stare" . When Samir finally had to start going to men? hammam, Fatima asked him if he could stop staring at the women so that he could continue accompanying her to the women? hammam, to which Samir replied " ?ou know?he said, Im a man, although it does not show yet, and men and women have to hide their bodies from each other. They need to separate.? . Samir proceeded to lay out the differences between the men? and women? Hammam, when he touched upon the fact that men did not need beauty preparations, Fatima tried to defend the women? Hammam by trying to repeating what Aunt Habiba had said to her about the importance of skin. Samir interrupted her, drawing the final line between men and women according to Fatima who was prior to that, desperately trying to cling on to her childhood friend. " I think that men have a different skin, I stared at him. There was nothing I could say because I realized for the first time in our childhood games, that all that Samir had said was right, and that whatever I had said did not matter much. Suddenly it all seemed so strange and complicated, and beyond my grasp" . Fatima realizing that the frontiers between her and Samir had been activated, could at first not identify the new space she had stepped into. Saddened by her conversation she went up to Mina and told her what had happened.
She told me life was going to be tougher from now on for both me and
Samir. ?hildhood is when the difference does not matter,?she said. From
now on you wont be able to escape it. Youll be ruled by the difference.
the world is going to turn ruthless. But why? I asked her, and why cant we
escape the rule of the difference? Why cant men and women keep on playing
together even when they are older? Why the separation? Mina replied not by
answering my question but by saying both men and women live miserable lives
because of the separation. Separation creates an enormous gap in understanding.
Men do not understand women,?she said and women do not understand men, and it
all starts when little girls are separated from little boys in the Hammam. Then a cosmic
frontier splits the planet in two halves. The frontier indicates the line of power
because wherever there is a frontier there are two kinds of creatures walking on
Allah? earth, the powerful on one side and the powerless on the other .
In Leila Al-Atrash? A Woman of Five Seasons focuses mainly on the interaction between husband an wife, within the constraints of a marriage which took place for al the wrong reasons. The fact that this marriage took place brings up the issue of how the lack of interaction between the two sexes in addition to the importance given to marriage contradicts the idea of marriage within the realms of compatibility and sexual or physical attraction. The man and woman do not have the time to get to know each other well enough to determine whether they are right for each other or not. This contradiction can be seen stemming through all the novels. With Asya, having the means to do so due to her class status, but still not being able to due to the cultural restrictions that existed. Mernissi too remembers how the idea of marriage was never openly discussed, and certainly the idea of the importance of mutual attraction was not given much weight to as the women would not speak of sex openly in front of the unmarried youth (Quote). Similarly Nadia who is a Palestinian woman, knows that she likes Jamal, but married Ihsan. Nadia speaks of the separation that Mimi mentions to Fatima
" Men have their world and women to have their own restricted world.
There theyll sit waiting for their husbands to return from their work
or pleasures. Then in comes the man, heavy with fatigue his waiting
wife eaten up with longing. He? a man who vents an urge, while she?
a woman longing to talk and tender affection, which she finds only with
women like herself. The years pass and he? still a man and she? still a woman"
Once again we see the idea of separation, and a lack of understanding of how different the needs of a woman are within a relationship compared to those of a man. Nadia is referring to romance, and not just sex. Nadia then goes son to tell us how marriage filled her mind, but this was not the practical understanding of marriage a union between two people, on an intellectual, emotional and physical level. Instead marriage was like the unknown, like death, mysterious yet inevitable. "I was consumed with desire to discover the unknown. It was a dark maze hemmed in with danger, a dim happiness I couldn? conceive; something we weren? allowed to discover" . This perception of marriage did not enable Nadia to make the right choice infact she was so anxious to get married that when Ihsan, the brother of the man she actually liked, proposed to her she accepted. " I am no different from the others. I left everything I loved when the man came for me, and I became his wife. Marriage filled my mind pushing me to the tunnels of the unknown" . At this point after ten years of marriage Nadia still does not know whether she loves Ihsan or she ahs just gotten used to him. This shows how muddled the concept of love in Nadia? mind is. She does not how to differentiate her feelings. " Once we are flung into these tunnels (marriage) can we come to know the experience the law allows. Marriage was the aim ?a strange, confused feeling, somewhere between getting a husband and finding love" . Even when Ihsan had first approached grasping her hand which left her trembling, and asked her to meet him, she was still thinking about Jalal, and torn between the two. However when the time came she hurried to meet Ihsan and "things were fixed between us" . Nadia tells us that she could not afford to wait for Jalal, and the first opportunity she got she got married to Ihsan. " I was a girl looking for love and marriage and Ihsan was ready to give me both" . What Nadia realized much later was, that love and marriage cannot be given. Love must be felt and more importantly reciprocated in order to remain alive or more importantly to exist at all. Whereas marriage was not given, as if it were an item, it is a concept of union which once again in order to survive must be reciprocated. Throughout the novel, except towards the end, Ihsan and Nadia? marriage has one main dynamic, he asks her to carry out certain duties and she does. " In the ten years since we?e been married I?e done what he wanted" . There is no intellectual or physical connection. Nadia can be seen as existing separately from her husband. Ihsan too goes through the same situation, except he has his work to busy himself with. The novel starts with the whole issue of unfulfilled sexual desire. We find Ihsan trying to wake Nadia, who is lying asleep on the bed.
" My lovely kitten this perfume suits you better.?He was trying to say
something, trying to make her say something. Anything to wake her up
and get her to talk. but her face was still without expression and inspite
of himself he started to feel upset, a hint of anger rising inside him. He
tried to curb his desire, to force her awake."
Ihsan had to finally give up, similarly we have another example earlier on in the book of the first night that Nadia and Ihsan spent together. Ihsan insisted on carrying Nadia to the shower. Through Ihsan? memory the reader learns that even though this was a fantasy coming true for Ihsan Nadia did not want to have anything to do with it. "You dreamed so long of a moment like that ?and she screamed! You didn? know which part of her boy she was hiding as you dragged her into the water" . Why was it necessary for Ihsan to do things his way instead of making it easier for himself and Nadia, considering it was the first time they were spending the night together. The fact that Nadia "started crying, shyly trying to cover the parts of her body you (Ihsan)were laying bare" , meant that the experience was not a very good one for her, to say the least. This shows a lack of understanding between the couple, and this idea is a constant throughout the book. There are several times when the reader faces frustration on the part of both Ihsan and Nadia at either not being able to understand each other or not being understood by the other. When Ihsan is trying to urge Nadia to go and make an appearance with him at one of his social gatherings, so that she may impress other women, Nadia tells him that she is not inclined towards such activities. When he insists she thinks to herself, " What goes on in that head of his? she thought. Can? he see he? tiring me out, thrusting me towards a great open sea?" . Once again there is barrier present between Ihsan and Nadia, Ihsan tries repeatedly to please Nadia with material things buying her expensive diamonds from Harrods, land, and apartments however fails to break through to his wife. This is because Nadia did not care for such things, "does he know where he is pushing me? Does he even care? has it struck him for one second that I don? want all this" . Nadia wants Ihsan to appreciate books, Art, she wanted him to find a cause in his life besides the obsession with getting rich. At many points she thinks of Palestine and her nationalist sentiments not realized by Ihsan are tied up with Jamal as he is part of the resistance. Ihsan too realizes that Jalal and Nadia have a lot more in common than him and his wife "She and Jalal? Jalal was forever reading. Crazy the pair of them, by God! They wasted their time on the pages of the books when life, after all was the best school and culture" . Ihsan goes on to explain how he gathered information from Jalal? books, ?y reading the back, the cover and dipping here and there?and he not only profited from skimming the books, but by listening to the comments that Jalal made about them. Therefore Ihsan could not distinguish between information and education, just as he could not distinguish between wealth and happiness. Nadia on the other hand could distinguish between such concepts and this was the root cause of their differences. The both did not perceive life in the same way. Could such a marriage been avoided had Nadia married Jalal? We cannot be certain, for if this would have happened it would most likely have been under similar circumstances as Ihsan and Nadia, in the sense that they would not have had the opportunity to get to know what the other person is about. When Jalal towards the end of the novel confesses to Nadia that he is still in love with her, Al-Atrash for a moment fools her readers into thinking that Nadia? fantasies about Jalal have come true. To a certain extent they do come true, Jalal confesses that he was an idiot to sit back and watch Ihsan marry her. But it is when Jalal starts insisting that Nadia belonged to him, that Nadia realized that Jalal too was no different than Ihsan. Both saw Nadia just as a woman, not as a person. His hand crept in my clothes. Feverishly it reached my bare bosom, then his lips roamed over my face and neck" . Nadia had imagined this moment to be different just as she had imagined marriage to be different, " Id imagined him as panicky on meeting me ?beseeching in his confession of love ?describing how bitterly he had missed me. and now all he could see in me was a female he could throw away and pick up at his leisure" . Once again we see a lack of understanding. The whole concept of romance versus sexual urges mentioned in Mernissi? book surfaces again. Jalal seems to confuse romance with sex as Ihsan confuses love with material goods. It can be concluded that in the case of this book and In the Eyes of the Sun marriages that were not suitable due to differences in nature, values or beliefs could have been avoided had their been more interaction between the male and females involved prior to marriage. The concept of interaction is complicated. Whereas Nadia wishes for a more intellectual connection Asya wished for the sexual connection between her and Saif to improve. Even though Asya, had the opportunity of living with Saif before she got married for short spans of time, there was some cultural code that kept them from sexual union. Asya alone did not care much for this Sexual code, for example in England she slept with Gerald even though she was married to Saif, but with Saif she was obliged to do so. Even though at one point she decides that she to have sex with Saif before they are married Saif makes her wait till the night of their marriage. The other two books, Pillars of Salt by Fadia Faqir and A balcony over the Fakihani By Liyana Badr, prove that some marriages do work even though there interaction between the two genders is non-existent before marriage.
Maha, the central character in the novel Pillars of Salt is a Bedouin woman from Hamia. The interaction she had with her husband to be Harb in the beginning of the novel is brief and not described in great detail. Maha is approached by Harb who tells her that if he wished he could give her a hundred camels, a box of jewelry and ten meters of Indian silk. " He then lowered his head, wrapped my shoulders in a bright purple shawl, put his hand on the sheath of his dagger Maha I want to see you tonight? . Maha refuses saying that it "for a girl to be out at night is a crime of honor" . Even when Daffash insisted that he wanted to marry her Maha refused. This can be seen juxtaposed to Nadia who claimed that her head had been so filled up with the idea of marriage that the when Ihsan asked her to marry him she said yes. Maha however liked Harb but refused to succumb to his wish of seeing her at night. " The woman who loved my brother Daffash, who sneaked out stealthily at night to meet him were fools. Stupid idiots who risked honor for love. Did Harb think that Maha daughter of Maliha was a fool" . When Maha speaks of honor she speaks of the people who are tied to her name. For one it is her mother Maliha, she would dishonor her by meeting Harb. She would also dishonor her father, Maliha? husband and Daffash, Maliha? son. Here we have individualism being pushed away in favor of communal preservation. The concept of a woman upholding the family? honor results in the birth of a ?rontier?within her mind, from then her actions can be described as within the frontier, and thus honorable or outside the frontier and therefore dis-honorable. That night Maha Maha thought of Harb and how he was waiting for her. She wanted to go to him but couldn?, " Would I venture out at that odd hour to meet Harb? Would Harb look down on me if I did meet him? Was he like the other men of our tribe? What if Daffash found out? He would certainly kill me like he would a small rabbit" . Maha here outlines for us the attitudes of men regarding women. The fact that Daffash had many women meet him during the night would not stop him from punishing his sister severely if she followed in his footsteps. Maha questions Harb as well, this highlights the double standards regarding the relationship between women and men. If Maha went out to meet Harb, he may think she has a loose character, and would question if she did this with other men as well. There was every chance of Harb looking ?own?on her, even though he is the one who initiated the meeting. The fact that Maha wonders if he is like the rest of the men in the village shows that this is quite a common attitude to have towards women in Hamia, who do go and meet men secretly. This is similar to Asya? experience in Beirut when she wanted to touch Saif but wondered what he might think of her, fearing that he might view her as being too bold.
The next morning Maha wept because she feared that she had lost the love of Harb?. she blames her mother, as she was the one who had instructed Maha
?ot to give in to men. Men she had said believe that women are
angels who descend from the seventh sky. I was a Bedouin woman,
free like a swallow and as courageous as my grandmother Sabha.
I should have listened to the call of my heart?what I yearned for
was Harb? arms. with his gentle fingers he would push open the
petals of my flower" .
Now that the moment has passed, and there is no danger of her giving in and going to see Harb, Maha can afford to take out her frustration. she accuses herself of being a coward, and questions why Harb would ever love a ?oward rabbit?. She feels like she should have disregarded her mother? view on how men perceive women. The fact that she uses the ?ree swallow?as a metaphor, highlights that she finds this view constraining her. She is angry at the fact that she had been constrained by it and uses her grandmother? example to reassure herself of the courage within her even though she was a woman. However when Maha? father lets her know of Harb? proposal Maha admits to herself that her mother was right.
Just like any other man in our tribe, he proposed to me because
I said no. Like Daffash and Raai, he loved hunting. A Bedouin
and the son of a Bedouin. My mother was right" .
Therefore, if Maha had succumbed to desire and gone out to visit Harb, she could have faced severe punishment from her brother and in addition to that Harb would not have seen her befitting the role of his wife and the mother of his children as she would be considered a moral less woman. In light of this way of controlling women? sexuality, we see that for men the situation is very different. When Nasra told Maha, that her brother Daffash had raped her Maha was determined to shoot him. This punishment seems appropriate as Maha would have also faced death if she chose to meet Harb. Daffash had raped Nasra, something much worse, which would have severe implications on the rest of Nasra? life. When Maha confronts Daffash with his rifle aimed at his face he defends himself by saying " She asked for it. Whenever she set her greedy eyes on me .. she tempted me" . It is revealed to us that Daffash saw Nasra playing tunes on her reed pipe as calling him "to touch her.. It is the pipe that? responsible" . Daffash actually makes an argument that a reed pipe was guilty of causing him to commit rape. However Maha does not buy his excuse, and she asks him if Nasra had said yes. When he does not answer she asks Nasra, to which she replies " Under my breast, his dagger I swear." . Daffash still trying to offer excuses accuses Nasra of enjoying the rape. "You stopped struggling and lay back. You enjoyed it" . Daffash was obviously not fearful of any consequences apart from the gun in Maha? hand. And as soon as he managed to get it out of her hand he threatened them saying " I will kill both of you crazy whores" . Maha knows that he is serious shuts her eyes and comforts Nasra " don? cry your tears are gems. Hold you forehead high. Better to die than to live without honor" . Once again we see the whole concept of honor evoked. However even though Nasra was not at fault, and had done nothing wrong other than play tunes on her pipe, it was her being killed for honor. One would have assumed that the people of Hamia would kill Daffash in order to salvage some honor for Nasra a woman who had just been raped. Instead, we know that Daffash shall get away with his crime, due to the way Maha? father reacts to the whole situation when he interrupts the scene.
"My father looked at Nasra: her tear stained face, her torn dress
He looked at Daffash and then gave his right hand to Nasra.
?et up my daughter may Allah damn the devil.?To Daffash
he said If you ever come near this woman again? Daffash said
I am sorry father? My father rubbed Nasra? back and said. ?nd
you should not have tempted him?".
And that was all that Daffash faced, and instead of punishing him more severely for dishonoring a woman, Maha? father automatically assumed that Nasra had tempted Daffash. Therefore it was Nasra who had to pay for the crime that Daffash committed. Maha states " I realized then how high were the mud walls imprisoning us. I sat on the floor, pressed my temples and started crying" . It was unfair to say the least that Daffash faced, no guilt or remorse for his actions. Had Maha been caught doing something as great as having pre-marital sex she would have shamed herself and her own family. Somehow the family was not shamed by the fact that their son had just raped a woman. In fact we do not see Daffash being reprimanded by anyone in Hamia, even though the knowledge of the rape becomes common. This is probably because the rest of the men, who like Maha pointed out were all alike, agreed with Sheikh Nimer when he said to Nasra, you should not have tempted him. Once again men? sexuality is seen to be uncontrollable and therefore they have the right to indulge it whenever possible.
Harb and Maha had a successful marriage, the only issue that surfaced was the Maha? delayed pregnancy. The stress laid on getting pregnant to prove you womanhood surfaces in A woman of Five Seasons as well, however compared to Ihsan, Harb does not pressurize Maha and make her feel inadequate. The pressure is present through Harb? mother and the rest of the community. Every month when she got her monthly period Aunt Tamam would ask her "is the barrel still empty" . Whenever she was greeted by people they would add "May Allah give you a son after every greeting" . However Harb stood by Maha ad would console her, "you are a strong mare. My mare. Do you hear me?" . Harb and Maha had romance in their marriage unlike any of the characters above however the concept of ?eparation?can be applied to this couple as well. Maha and Harb had to worlds one their own and that they shared. Maha? world that Harb could not enter was one occupied by other women. Harb? world was his work that Maha did not know much about. All she knew was that he was fighting a occupying force that was trying to take their land, or raiding tribes. Maha wondered about Harb? expeditions but every time she asked he would never reply directly. "Where did he go when he left our dwelling? What did he do to make him so lean and tired?" .
A Balcony over the Fakhihani, by Liyana Badr, consists of three short stories out of which this paper shall focus on the second. The story of Suad and Umar, a married couple with four children. Umar and Suad first met in Im-Mahmoud? house, whose daughter was a friend of Suads. Despite the fact that they had met only on a few occasions and during those times had never even spoken to each other directly, Umar proposed marriage to Sa'ud unexpectedly. This couple had to deal with a lot of hardships as Umar fought for the resistance, and were constantly moving in between cities. Sa'ud is portrayed as a strong woman, capable of handling change and hardships. she can be seen as a supporting and comforting force for her husband. Their relationship is of mutual compatibility, love and friendship. After Umar returns from his medical treatment abroad, Suad learns of the other woman that Umar has an affair with while he is being treated. Umar falls in love with a nurse., for six months while he is recovering she is constantly by his side. When he returns to his family he tells his wife and their friend Jinan, about her but he never tells them everything. They would joke and laugh about the whole incident but when Sa?d was alone with Umar she would weep. and say "she could not get used to someone else being so strangely important" . Umar would console her by saying that it meant nothing to him and it was all over, though he admitted to himself that he still felt for Louise. " I feared for myself, and feared this crazy longing, even though I knew well enough that the whole thing was over once and for all, for ever" . It is strange that we do not see Sa?d reacting more to the fact that her husband had been with another woman. Compared to how Saif reacted when Asya told him that she had slept with another man. " did you sleep with him, Princess? And into his eyes Asya says yes and watches him crumple. He stands his ground but she can see him collapse. He looks like a man in a film the moment after he? been shot and before he falls to the ground" . When Asya tries to console him telling him it meant nothing, Saif shakes her off
"So you go and fuck some Basturd, you actually fuck some
basturd ?what did you expect for Christ? sake ?cries
Asya. I expected my wife to be loyal. I expected my wife
to have some sense of honor" .
Whereas Asya has to deal with the fact that she has dishonored her husband, Umar faces no consequences for his actions except the one? he places on himself, and those are to deal with a longing for Louisa who he cannot be with again. We see how the same situation can result in different consequences based on gender. Adultery was committed by both, even though one can argue that the dynamics of both marriages were poles apart. However the argument here is the act of adultery and the concept of honor, being applied to this situation. Whereas Saif attacks Asya with the idea of honor Umar has not dishonored his wife by sleeping with another woman.
Through the analysis above of five different novels based in different nations, class backgrounds, and circumstances, we see a pattern evolving, regarding concepts of gender interaction and sexuality. This pattern aids in helping to understand the complexities regarding Arab culture as far as these aspects are concerned. Women and men indeed have fixed realms, which the other cannot step into. Further more certain cultural values in regards to women and men serve to build certain codes of conduct. These codes do not exist in physical space, rather they are etched in a person? mind. Once they are part of an individuals mentality they?e permanent existence is grunted whether the individual chooses to follow these codes or not. This is an important aspect in understanding Arab identity.
Bibliography:
Al-Atrash, Leila: A Woman of Five Seasons; Interlink Publishing groups, New York, Northampton 2002
Badr, Liyana: A Balcony over the Fakihani; Interlink Books, New York , 2002
Faqir, Fadia: Pillars of Salt; Interlink Books, New York 1997
Mernissi, Fathima: Dreams of Trespassing; Tales of a Harem Girlhood, Publisher: Persus Books, Cambridge Massachusetts, 1994.
Soueif, Ahdaf: In the Eye of the Sun, First Anchor Books Edition, March 2000
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