A Love Story
Romance
Marriage
Real
Life
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The
decision to marry during this period took on a new importance
as both the patterns and the meaning of marriage changed. In
France, the proportion of people who married increased, and the
average age of marriage dropped. "Between 1835 and 1885,
the average age at first marriage fell from 25 1/2 years to under
24" (Tilly, 91). With marriages
starting earlier than before, women could spend the majority
of their lives married than in the past.
Women came to view marriage very differently
than ever before. The idea of "romantic love" infused
in literature had an impact on what they came to expect from
marriage--as providing greater emotional satisfaction for both
men and women. Moreover, many of the stories written throughout
the nineteenth century exposed the pivotal importance of how
women's role and security in life depended on marriage. For women
whose sole existence was marriage, the decision to marry and
of choosing a suitor was agonizing. The following excerpts from
Stephanie Jullien's letters to her brother and her father illustrate
this point. Again and again, she writes of her confusion and
hesitation as she weights what she knows as the biggest decision
of her entire life.
A Young Bourgeoisie Contemplates Marriage:
[Stephanie Jullien to her brother
Auguste]
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Wednesday, March 6, 1833
Mon Dieu! Such indecision! Such perplexity! What should I
do! I almost wish I were not so free, that I were restrained
or controlled, so that I would not have the responsibility for
my future unhappiness or happiness. Because the more I think
about it, the more confused I become, the more I hesitate. I
get lost in my thoughts and can't make up my mind.
- Stephanie
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Thursday, March 7, 1833
It's me again. Perhaps you are waiting for a positive response.
Mon dieu! I am just more confused, more indecisive, wavering,
and irresolute. ….And now with papa's fortune running out.
But to become engaged? How do I know that in two years he won't
change his mind or that I myself will not want to marry someone
else?
- Stephanie
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[Stephanie Jullien to her father]
This letter introduces
the financial and social elements, two huge aspects of the decision-making
process.
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April 6, 1833
The three great obstacles against him are his extreme youth (his
is only six months older than me) and his lack of fortune (he
can only bring 20,000 francs to the marriage). If I marry, I
want to be sure that, if I don't marry a very rich man, at least
I'll marry a man who has enough wealth to keep me from the brink
of want, from worries and cares. Finally, the third objection,
on which my aunt lays great stress, is that he hasn't made a
position for himself; that it will take him many years to do
so; that his extreme youth [does not inspire?] confidence; that
no one knows if he has talent, if he has a capacity to succeed
in his chosen profession…
-Stephanie
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This letter, written more than
two years later illustrates Stephanie's desire to marry for emotional
happiness and in doing so makes a case for herself--as it being
a decision that will either make or break her life.
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February 20, 1836
I am asking for more time. It is not too much to want to see
and know a man for ten months, even a year when it is a matter
of passing one's life with him. There is no objection to make,
you say. But the most serious and the most important presents
itself: I do not love him. Don't think I am talking about romantic
and impossible passion or an ideal love, neither of which I ever
hope to know. I am talking of a feeling that makes one want to
see someone, that makes his absence painful and his return desirable,
that makes one interested in what another is doing, that makes
one want another's happiness almost in spite of oneself, that
makes, finally, the duties of a woman toward her husband pleasures
and not efforts. …I hesitate, then. I wait for duty's sake,
for reason's sake, for necessity's sake. I only want to make
sure that I don't risk my happiness and my virtue. I want to
be sure that I will be able to fulfill my duties.
-Stephanie
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Jullien Family Papers,
39 AP 4, Archives Nationales, Paris as cited by Hellerstein,
144.
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