By Patricia Ramsey

I am a little embarrassed about how many hours I spent watching the Olympics. I know, I know, it is all hype and commercials. But I found myself riveted by the drama of Olympic dreams rising and falling in fractions of seconds.

The mastery, hard work, and resilience of the athletes is inspiring, yet the pressures to perform sometimes bring out the worst, as demonstrated by the revelations about drug use. Every four years records must fall and feats be surpassed, so training becomes ever more rigorous, the personal sacrifices more demanding, and the temptations to do anything to win more compelling. Watching the tense bodies and grim faces of many of the athletes, I found myself wondering: When does opportunity become exploitation? Training turn into abuse? At what point does an athlete’s determination shift to desperation? When do our support and interest sink to voyeurism?

Most of us will never be an Olympic athlete or the parent of one. But the obsession to win that dominated the television coverage of the games also permeates our society and influences our attitudes toward children, especially when we want them to perform—whether it is athletics, academics, or beauty pageants. As a bona fide soccer mom, I spend a lot of time watching athletic events and talking with fellow parents. Our kids have been lucky— they have had supportive coaches and have enjoyed and grown from playing sports. However, I am distressed by how often I hear coaches of other teams screaming at seven-year-olds and see small shoulders slump under a barrage of criticisms and insults. Parents meanwhile grumble about their kids’ lack of “playing time” and go ballistic when their child misses an easy basket. In one town, the parents were so verbally abusive they had to sign an agreement that they would not say a word during soccer games. Several of my eleven-year-old son’s friends have recently quit sports that they used to love because “I never get to play; the coach only puts the best players in,” “it’s too much pressure,” and “it’s not fun anymore.”

What has happened to the fun? Our obsession with performance and winning all too often overwhelms the pleasures of play, mastery, and teamwork.

And kids know the difference. In playgrounds, streets, and vacant lots children play—inventing their games, gleefully chasing each other, and climbing and swinging “up to the sky.” These exuberant children are a far cry from the tense Olympians or dejected kids sitting out most of the football game. Of course we want our children to learn skills, to become more proficient, and even sometimes to win. But let’s not forget that the love of sports springs from the exhilaration of motion and thrill of mastery. Let’s keep the joy alive!

Patricia Ramsey, a professor of psychology and education, is an early childhood expert and director of Mount Holyoke’s Gorse Child Study Center. This piece was also published in the Daily Hampshire Gazette.