Questions at 3AM

Why me?

Why here?

Why now?

Could I be somewhere else, be someone else?

Would it make a difference?

At 3AM, screaming inside

The pain, the pain.

Why do I have to hurt?

What point is there to my suffering, to anyone’s suffering?

What would happen if I wasn’t here?

Would the world be so different?

What’s my purpose, or do I have any at all?

Is there a God, is he unaware of the pain,

Or is there nothing but a cold unfeeling universe?

Can I believe that here and now,

With everything I’m dealing with?

Why do I exist, is it to feel pain;

Is God a masochist?

I want to not be here, perhaps

I don’t want to exist.

But I exist, and ending existence

Will only hurt others.

Do I have a right to inflict that kind of pain?

No one does, but they do.

Life is unending pain, but only at the moment.

Silver lining, where are you when I need you?

July 2, 1998