Which Enemy of the Christian Faith Are You?

Have you ever spat in the face of a door to door missionary?
I believe I have.
And I also believe that no matter your religious inclination, there is a way to filter you into one of seven groups, whose influence and/or ignorance have become formidable foes to the Crutch/Church of Christ.
You're here to test that theory..whether you like it or not.

This test uses the same clever little javascript template as "Which Robert And Tim Show Character Are You?" test, which (if you've forgotten) was adapted from the "Discover Your Inner Dragon Test". Thanks again for the code!

**NOTE** This has turned out to be a very controversial quiz. As a disclaimer, we'll quote Pulp Fiction's Jules Winnfield "If my answers frighten you, you should cease asking scary questions.."


Okay, here we go!




1. How would you describe your relationship with the supernatural?
It is as good and true as the sky is blue.
It's more afraid of me than I am of it.
It's my proverbial guy with the whip.
It's my unquestionable dictator
It's my factual record.
Much like the relationship between a snake and a mongoose.
Whatever..


2. How do you usually spend your Sundays?
Washing the car, buying the paper, watching the game...why?
Resting up after the Saturday night Think-a-thon.
Sucking Carbon-14 out of fossils
Refreshing the goat supply...
Pondering whether it really is Sunday, or a Wednesday we just forgot.
Passing around the collection dish
Sabbathin' it up, yo!


3. Why do terrible things happen?
Don't ask me.
Divine Intervention of course.
I dunno, why do good things happen?
Survival of the fittest.
"Terrible" is rather subjective.
Because people trust me.
Satans grasp on this world is tightening.


4. How do you feel about pre-marital sex?
The more the merrier
Our research shows it to be "all the rage".
Bring out the leather baby..whacha!
Pretend you're on Noah's Ark and ABSTAIN!
I condemn it, but practise it.
Absolutely out of the question. Save your chastity for the one you're bound to forever.
What exactly is wrong with that?


5. Are you afraid of God?
He doesn't scare me, the big blowhard!
Why be frightened of the one who loves you?
I'm not sure he exists.
I'm pissing myself...all the time.
What God is there to fear?
Only when I know he's watching.
So long as he doesn't smite me...


6. What is your motivation?
..if any.
To question, challenge and evolve.
To spread the Gospel.
I seek the raw truth.
I seek loopholes in scientific theory.
The rosy faced youth of today.
I just want to lead a normal life.


7. What came first? The Chicken, or the Egg?
Duh..the chicken! No wait..wow.
More importantly, who laid the chicken?
The chicken, forged with flavour in mind.
The egg, whatever laid the egg was not quite a chicken.
The chicken! It is GOD'S CHICKEN!
Uh.. whichever it was, God loves it!
Mmmm...chicken.


8. How do you feel about abortions?
It's a convenient way to clean up a messy situation.
You're gonna burn in hell ya baby killa!
It isn't even conscious, you don't feel bad about crushing ants, so shut up.
Sometimes it's for the best...
It is not of my concern.
I'm all for preventing more idiots entry to the world.
You have no right to take a life like that!


9. What is the Meaning Of Life?
The property or quality that distinguishes living organisms from dead organisms and inanimate matter.
To defy, be passionate, and make use of hair products!
To beat evolutionary biologists at their own game. Oh, and to serve God...
You're not being graded you know. Do what you want, just don't bother me.
To kneel before the Lord and his people and say "MORE!"
To find deliverance in God.
Whoah! Slow down egghead!


10. What is likely to be the first thing you hear after death?
Welcome my son..
Wailing and gnashing teeth
Close..but not quite.
.
Just who were you trying to kid?
Perhaps, "He's awake!"
*Snap* *Crackle* *Pop*