MONKS: [chanting]
     Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.
     [bonk]
     Pie Iesu domine,...
     [bonk]
     ...dona eis requiem.
     [bonk]
     Pie Iesu domine,...
     [bonk]
     ...dona eis requiem.
CROWD:
     A witch! A witch!
     [bonk]
     A witch! A witch!
MONKS: [chanting]
     Pie Iesu domine...
CROWD:
     A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! We've found a witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! We've got a witch! A witch! A witch! Burn her! Burn her!
     Burn her! We've found a witch! We've found a witch! A witch! A witch! A witch!
VILLAGER #1:
     We have found a witch. May we burn her?
CROWD:
     Burn her! Burn! Burn her! Burn her!
BEDEVERE:
     How do you know she is a witch?
VILLAGER #2:
     She looks like one.
CROWD:
     Right! Yeah! Yeah!
BEDEVERE:
     Bring her forward.
WITCH:
     I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch.
BEDEVERE:
     Uh, but you are dressed as one.
WITCH:
     They dressed me up like this.
CROWD:
     Augh, we didn't! We didn't...
WITCH:
     And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.
BEDEVERE:
     Well?
VILLAGER #1:
     Well, we did do the nose.
BEDEVERE:
     The nose?
VILLAGER #1:
     And the hat, but she is a witch!
VILLAGER #2:
     Yeah!
CROWD:
     We burn her! Right! Yeaaah! Yeaah!
BEDEVERE:
     Did you dress her up like this?
VILLAGER #1:
     No!
VILLAGER #2 and 3:
     No. No.
VILLAGER #2:
     No.
VILLAGER #1:
     No.
VILLAGERS #2 and #3:
     No.
VILLAGER #1:
     Yes.
VILLAGER #2:
     Yes.
VILLAGER #1:
     Yes. Yeah, a bit.
VILLAGER #3:
     A bit.
VILLAGERS #1 and #2:
     A bit.
VILLAGER #3:
     A bit.
VILLAGER #1:
     She has got a wart.
RANDOM:
     [cough]
BEDEVERE:
     What makes you think she is a witch?
VILLAGER #3:
     Well, she turned me into a newt.
BEDEVERE:
     A newt?
VILLAGER #3:
     I got better.
VILLAGER #2:
     Burn her anyway!
VILLAGER #1:
     Burn!
CROWD:
     Burn her! Burn! Burn her!...
BEDEVERE:
     Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
VILLAGER #1:
     Are there?
VILLAGER #2:
     Ah?
VILLAGER #1:
     What are they?
CROWD:
     Tell us! Tell us!...
VILLAGER #2:
     Do they hurt?
BEDEVERE:
     Tell me. What do you do with witches?
VILLAGER #2:
     Burn!
VILLAGER #1:
     Burn!
CROWD:
     Burn! Burn them up! Burn!...
BEDEVERE:
     And what do you burn apart from witches?
VILLAGER #1:
     More witches!
VILLAGER #3:
     Shh!
VILLAGER #2:
     Wood!
BEDEVERE:
     So, why do witches burn?
     [pause]
VILLAGER #3:
     B--... 'cause they're made of... wood?
BEDEVERE:
     Good! Heh heh.
CROWD:
     Oh, yeah. Oh.
BEDEVERE:
     So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?
VILLAGER #1:
     Build a bridge out of her.
BEDEVERE:
     Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?
VILLAGER #1:
     Oh, yeah.
RANDOM:
     Oh, yeah. True. Uhh...
BEDEVERE:
     Does wood sink in water?
VILLAGER #1:
     No. No.
VILLAGER #2:
     No, it floats! It floats!
VILLAGER #1:
     Throw her into the pond!
CROWD:
     The pond! Throw her into the pond!
BEDEVERE:
     What also floats in water?
VILLAGER #1:
     Bread!
VILLAGER #2:
     Apples!
VILLAGER #3:
     Uh, very small rocks!
VILLAGER #1:
     Cider!
VILLAGER #2:
     Uh, gra-- gravy!
VILLAGER #1:
     Cherries!
VILLAGER #2:
     Mud!
VILLAGER #3:
     Uh, churches! Churches!
VILLAGER #2:
     Lead! Lead!
ARTHUR:
     A duck!
CROWD:
     Oooh.
BEDEVERE:
     Exactly. So, logically...
VILLAGER #1:
     If... she... weighs... the same as a duck,... she's made of wood.
BEDEVERE:
     And therefore?
VILLAGER #2:
     A witch!
VILLAGER #1:
     A witch!
CROWD:
     A witch! A witch!...
VILLAGER #4:
     Here is a duck. Use this duck.
     [quack quack quack]
BEDEVERE:
     Very good. We shall use my largest scales.
CROWD:
     Ohh! Ohh! Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Ahh! Ahh...
BEDEVERE:
     Right. Remove the supports!
     [whop]
     [clunk]
     [creak]
CROWD:
     A witch! A witch! A witch!
WITCH:
     It's a fair cop.
VILLAGER #3:
     Burn her!
CROWD:
     Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn! Burn!...
BEDEVERE:
     Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?
ARTHUR:
     I am Arthur, King of the Britons.