1. Leave the copy machine set to 99 copies, reduce 200%, extra dark,
17 inch paper.
2. In the memo field of all your checks write for sensual massage.
3. Specify that your drive-through order is to go.
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen
while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all
weather conditions, to keep them tuned up.
7. Reply to everything someone says with That's what YOU think.
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy
them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when you back up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words,"in accordance with
prophecy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over
your ears.
13. Disassemble your pen and accidentally flip the ink cartridge
across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and
insist to others you like it that way.
16. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking
noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat the
complimentary mints by the cash register.
20. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. Don t use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole
streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: Do you hear
that?.. What?... Never mind, it's gone now.
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of
your chin. When nearly done, announce, No, wait, I messed it up, and
repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a
parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to
see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their
answers in a notebook and mutter something about psychological
profiles.
33. Tell your friends 5 days prior, that you can't attend their party
because you're not in the mood.
And the Final Way to Annoy People...
34. Send this email to everyone in your email address book, even if
they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them things like this...