Introduction

August 2000
September 2000
October 2000
November 2000
December 2000
January 2001
February 2001
March 2001
April 2001
May 2001
June 2001
July 2001
August 2001

What I Did On My Holiday

Ever since I can remember, I always wanted to be an exchange student. Before I was born, my parents hosted a young Japanese woman named Mitsuko, and I thought that sounded like an awesome thing to do. In seventh grade I then started learning French, so France naturally became my choice destination. I never thought too much about my decision, actually; I'd had the desire for so long that by the time I went, I couldn't remember exactly why I wanted to go. But go I did, and I'm glad of it.

And then I thought, now what?

I knew I wanted to do it again; I wanted to study another language. I can't remember exactly why I chose German, but I suppose it was because it's a very different type of language from French (germanic rather than romance), and I had a favorable impression of Germany from when we visited in 1993. Perhaps it was because I envied my German-studying friends, since they had so many more activities and competitions and things than the other languages. (French was very lame in that respect.) I thought about starting German I my senior year, but my father advised against it, saying that it'd be better just to start in college. So that's what I did.

Since I decided to study German, it was inevitable that I'd go to Germany. Of course I pretended to be unsure of things and to consider other options, but I know I would have been unhappy if I hadn't gone. I thought about whether I really wanted to go abroad; it'd be so much easier just to stay at Mount Holyoke. It's always easier to stick with the familiar, but I would have been miserable if I'd stayed; I would have regretted not taking the opportunity. Similarly, I considered going to other countries, the UK or France or Switzerland for example, but I came back around to Germany. It's true that I wanted to go to a German-speaking country, but I chose the Smith College program because it was the easiest decision. Gabi (the head of the MHC German Studies department as well as my advisor) was really pushing it, and MHC and Smith had just formed a partnership for the program. It was easiest to let others make that decision for me.

So here I am in Germany, and this is my online journal of that year. It was meant to provide friends and family with a way to find out about me without having to wait for the return of an email or letter (not a good idea). I used to be better about writing, but that was before I got a Life. Now there's just so much else to do than compose letters.

The entries in this journal also turned into a public record of my year. I also have a private journal, where I write things that I can't say in public, and a photo album too (unlike in France!), but this is another type of record. I hope that it is interesting for those who know me, and perhaps for those who don't.

I also hope that people who are thinking about going abroad will read it and understand a little bit about what they're getting into. It's hard to go abroad; it's also very rewarding. I'd like to convey that. I'd also like to help people to make the right decision, because I couldn't have stuck it out in France (or in Germany, possibly, though the first time was harder) if I hadn't really wanted to be there. I came close to being sent home, and I know at some people who have chosen to go home early. For me there was no choice; once I was there, I was going to stay.

Gosh, that really sounds pessimistic, and I don't mean it to be. My experiences abroad have been overwhelmingly positive. In France I gained a lot of self-confidence; I learned that people like me for who I am, regardless of anything else. That, I believe, is the most important lesson of my life; it forms the base from which I can eradicate my other faults (pride, fear, stubbornness...). Who would I be if I had stayed in the USA? Would I like myself as much? I wouldn't repeat that year if I had the choice, but I'm glad I did it once. And in a way, I did do it again; I came to Germany. I would do it a third time, too.

Where do I want to live today? :-)

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