Rogerian therapy is a client-centered (instead of patient- or morality-centered) type of therapy. It is based on three major ideals: unconditional positive regard, accurate empathy, and genuineness.
Unconditional positive regard is the idea that a therapist should not judge a client. That means whatever the client says about him/herself, the therapist should not voice any opinions. Therapist opinions could affect the client in several ways; the client may be less open, without complete honesty and disclosure by the patient, progress is much less possible.
Accurate empathy means that the therapist should not assume how the client feels about a certain event (thus risking the true emotions of the client). For example, a client might mention, "My friends didn't invite me to the party." In an accurate empathy situation, the therapist would reply by repeating the declaration, in order for the client to expand on their feelings: "They didn't invite you?" "No, my friends know that I don't enjoy parties and would rather spend a solitary evening reading a book." An alternative client response could be something like, "Yeah, I don't understand it. I've hinted that I want to go to one of those parties so often, but I guess they don't really consider me a real member of their group."
In naïve therapy, the therapist would reply with, "Oh, I'm sorry. That's too bad." Although the client may respond the same way as in the accurate empathy condition, the therapist's implication of rejection could result in self-doubt on the part of the client. "Why didn't they invite me? Just because I like to be alone doesn't mean I don't enjoy some a fun evening. I wonder if they don't like me?"
Genuineness, the third ideal of Rogerian Therapy, suggests that therapists should insert personal anecdotes into client-therapist conversations. For example, recall the not-invited-to-a-party incident above. Following the expansion of the client's feelings, the therapist could add a story of personal experience. It might be something along the lines of, "I remember one time in college. I went to lots of parties during the year - I even threw some myself - but when finals came around, we all wanted to do well. It was kind of an unspoken agreement that none of us planned to go to any parties, and if we did, we didn't invite anyone so they wouldn't have to choose between that and studying." A story like this (of course, it should be a true story) is helpful in emphasizing to the client that their feelings and experiences are valid, and they're not wierd or disliked based on some event.
The ideals of Rogerian therapy can be applied to 'real-life' (non-therapy) situations. They may be used in the classroom, in child discipline, and in personal relationships.
It is important 1) not to judge (if you judge someone, they may be less likely to share information due to feelings of inadequacy or anger at being judged), 2) not to make assumptions about how the other person is feeling (let them tell you, so you can deal with the real issue), and 3) to validate the other person's feelings and actions by sharing similar experiences (the other person will not be so likely to feel bad when something goes wrong).
If you remember these ideals when teaching, disciplining misbehaviors, and having personal conversations, great strides can be made in understanding the other person and finding a solution to whatever problem exists, whether it be learning styles, behavioral issues, or feelings of rejection, loneliness, anger, and so on.
Bullies are a big problem in the United States and other cultures. They undermine authority, physically, emotionally, and psychologically hurt their peers, and grow up to become bigger bullies who use bombs, politics, and other tools to continue hurting people.
In order to decrease bullying, we must first understand bullies. A common motive for bullying is insecurity - a bully feels inadequate or weird, and feels better by putting others down. Another cause of bullying is displacement, one of Freud's defense mechanisms. When someone displaces, they take a feeling that they have for someone and direct that feeling at a more appropriate target. Bullies often come from emotionally lacking families in which one parent and/or child(ren) are abused, which results in anger toward the abusive party. Since the bully cannot take action against the abusive party (due to lack of strength, or the fear of repercussions toward oneself or another family member), the bully takes out his/her anger on easier targets, such as schoolmates. This displacement could occur in the form of verbal or physical abuse, including insults, harrassment, pranks, or beatings.
It is important to realize that a bully's success is dependent on the existence of a victim. One vital step in stopping bullying is helping victims. Victims should be taught not to respond to bullies. This includes explaining why bullies do what they do and why not responding will help. If a victim does not react, a bully has no choice but to move on. Of course, in the case of physical abuse, a victim should fight back, or better, avoid being near where the bully is likely to be. Peer support for victims can be helpful as well. Bullies are less likely to pick on someone if observers band together to fight the bully's activities.
The bully's feelings are important, too. There are reasons for bullying, as we have discussed. It didn't just happen. In this case, counseling is a good remedy. Rogerian ideals can be used to figure out the motives behind specific incidents of bullying, and to helping the bully overcome these issues. The younger a bully is intercepted by caring teachers and peers, the less likely they are to grow up into an adult bully. There are several programs dedicated to solving this important problem:
Colorado's Anti-Bullying Project
Information for the Young People
Take Action Against Bullying
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