Marriage: Women in the United Arab Emirates

Linda Soffan, in her book "The Women of the United Arab Emirates," described marriage in the U.A.E. effectively. This reflects the trends today, except that the legal age of marriage has been increased and some women get to talk to their future husbands before their wedding night: "Marriage is by arrangement, and the bride, who often does not meet the groom before the wedding night, has little if any say in the decision. Although the right to refuse a match exists, rarely is it exercised, as young girls are not in a position to question the arrangement. In a society where children are conditioned from infancy that this is to be their fate, there was little reason to question it, especially since there were no alternatives, such as have only recently become available. In all but a very small minority of the women interviewed, marriages were arranged by the parents, and the approval of the girl was not solicited...

" The procedures followed in arranging a traditional marriage are that, when a man is ready for marriage, he expresses his intentions to his family. Then the womenfolk go about trying to select a suitable spouse. Since all of the eligible girls in the area are known to them, the man's mother and sisters are responsible for describing each girl to him, and the final decision is his. Of course, their personal opinion is all that he can rely on since there is no chance of his meeting a potential spouse personally. Although there is nothing in the Qur'an which states the prospective bride and groom cannot meet before marriage, they are not given this opportunity. Even today, after the engagement and the contract has been signed, a girl may speak with the prospective groom on the telephone or exchange letters and photos, but rarely do they meet. The only opportunity for pre-marital acquaintance would have occurred when, or if, they were childhood playmates, or if they are related. Because the mother and sisters know their female relations best, it is likely that they will favor eligible girls within this circle. It is not unusual for cousins to be told from childhood that they are 'perfectly suited' for each other and will marry when the time is proper. The mother, especially, will try to convince the son that a maternal cousin is most suitable, and very often the son will follow her wishes. Very often the father, too, will suggest a possible bride, but the son is not forced to marry anyone in particular. If it is the father who is paying the mahr for his son, his opinion admittedly carries great weight, but the decision is, in the final analysis, the son's alone." (Soffan, pp. 30-32)

Recently, more and more men are marrying foreign women because of the high bride price, or mahr. For this reason, the government has set up marriage funds to help men find U.A.E. wives and pay for the marriage expenses, from mahr to wedding gown. The government pays more to men who marry widowed, divorced and older women (Gulf News, Bonus offered to men who marry women over 30).

Once a woman is married, she is required to please her husband. He is to come back from work to a clean home, with the food, which has to win his liking, ready and waiting for him. He may not allow her to leave her home and she is usually required to ask his permission before leaving the house for any reason, including going to the supermarket. She may not bring anyone into his house without his persmission and she may not disobey his wishes. He, on the other hand, is not required to do more than bring back enough money for the family to be clothed and fed.