(He reflects on his infancy; the punishment of children; his love of literature; grace and being called; prodigal son and idolatry of false studies)
1.1.1: Childhood -“heart is restless until it rests in thee”
How can you call God with out Gods help?
How can you come with God if you exist in God?
What is God anyway? Spatial existential
1,6.9: Unless you contained them, they would have no way of passing on
1.6.10:Who has the art and power to make himself?
God controls all A. don’t remember his childhood but it was guided by providence
1.7.11 Infants will - Infant is not harmless its will gives it bodily strength –Jesus
1,7 .12: Absolute form who gives form to all things and governs all thing
When was I ever innocent?
1.12.19 No one goes good against his will; Every disordered mind is its own punishment
1.13.21: Idolatry of Dido and Aeneas
*1.15.24: grace: prayer that God will make himself sweet to Augustine
1.18.28: Prodigal Son
1.9.15: Adults play games as foolish as children, but are not punished; still adults cruelly punish children and have no pity.
1,20.31: “Even then I existed, had life and feeling, had care for my own well-being, which is a trace of your own most mysterious unity from which I took my being.” (Platonism)
1.20.31: Idolatry- not in God, but in his creatures; sought praise and honor
(He steals the pears; he returns from Maduras to wait while money is being raised to go to Carthage and falls into trouble; long meditation on the nature of sin)
*2.1.1: Gather me from that disordered state in which I lay in shattered pieces, turned from the One and spent on the Many
*2.2.2 What was there but to love and be loved - wandered into fornication
2.2.3: [God] turned to good use the fleeting beauties of those lowest things... you have the power to pluck the thorns that have no place in paradise. For your omnipotence is not far from us, even when we are far from you.
2.2.4: Seasoned pleasure with bitterness and disgust to fashion a lesson; smites to heal.
2.3.5: (I look back and recall to memory my sins) to realize what great depths we must cry unto you.
2.4.9ff: The Pear Tree: gratuitous evil.
2.5.11: even Catiline loved his crimes
2.6.14: Evil is fornication and rebellion against God.
2.7.15: Recall to memory and confess since you have forgiven me--I ascribe to God's grace what evils I have NOT done.
2.8.16: peer pressure: But my pleasure lay not in the pears: it lay in the evil deed itself, which a group of us joined in sin to do;
2.9.17: alone I would not have done it
2.10.18: I long for innocence and justice. [What it means to love something spiritual; to love ideals=Platonism.]
2.10.18: I became a wasteland (cf. T.S. Eliot).; regio egestatis
Chapter 3: Later youth
(reflects on loving shows; his father has died when he was 17 and he barely notices it in passing; rejects joining the “wreckers” who taunt younger students; Cicero’s Hortenius makes him love philosophy, but he can’t accept it because it lacks name of Christ; Cicero’s good rhetoric makes him despise the OT; meets Manichees, Monica comes to live with him and dreams of a ruler: he will be saved)
3.1.1: (The itching sore of discontent.) hunger from the lack of true food; The more empty I was, the more distaste I felt...ulcered, the soul is cast outside itself and is avid to be scratched by the senses.
3.1.1: The way away from God is providentially seasoned with gall.
3.3.5: he “wanders” with the wreckers (eversores), but has too much conscience to join them
3.5.9: Offended by the humility of the Scriptures (not up to standards of classical rhetoric)--first conversion to Cicero's Hortensius: love of philosophy does not mention Christ.
3.6.11: (With Manichees) I wandered from you...but you were more inward than my inmost self, and superior to my highest being; planets as God.
3.7.12: he does not understand God is a spirit and that evil is the privation of good to the point of nonentity
3.8.15: has difficulty understanding the historicity of God’s law, that one law can be diverse to harmonize with different times
3.8.16: 3 kinds of sin: lust for power, of the eyes, or of sensuality; sin lies in perverting nature, in following private instead of social good
3.8.16: By humble devotion, return is made to you and you cleanse us from our evil ways and are merciful to the sins confessed.
3.10.18L To eat a fig released trapped light for Manichees, bits of God
3.11.19: Monica comes to live with him Dreams of Aug standing on a wooden ruler
3.11.20: 9 years -God speaks thru her “not were God is, there also are you, but were you are, also is God”
3.12.21: “It is impossible that the son of such tears should be lost.”
BK 4: Aug. the Manichee (373-382)
(Age 19-28 is a Manichee; leaves Thagaste after death of friend and goes to Carthage; death of a friend; disillusionment with Hierus the orator; looks for truth in the monad)
4.1.1: In your praise let me confess my shame to you; a sacrifice of jubilation.
4.3.6: Manichees use sortes virgilinae and astrology
4.7.12: I remained an unhappy place where I could not abide and from which I could [not] depart. For where could my heart fly to...apart from my own self?.
4.4.9: (Friend dies.) I have become a great riddle to myself. Only right love is for God who cannot be lost
4.10.15: In your Word, by which they are created, they hear "From here, unto there (ibi. . . quo). [I.e, how to return to God after falling into fleshly senses which don't endure.]
4.11.16: The Word (=Logos=Christ) call us to return: there you will be restored.
4.12.18: God is within our very hearts, but we have strayed from Him
*4.12.19: Our life (Christ) came down to us and took away death...return to him...confess to be healed...Descend so that you may ascend.
4.12.19: Descend, so you may ascend, for you have fallen by ascending against God.
4.14.22: (Aug, the Manichee, dedicates work to Hierus). Man is a mighty deep=mystery--grande profundum. Providence.
4.14.23: In my pride, I wandered off...but secretly, I was ruled by you (Hierus and pride is oratory).
4.15.24: Evil is not a substance. To err is punishment [since Adam's Fall].
4.15.26: I was driven back because the Lord resists the proud; madness to think man is by nature what God is; like a wind I did not return to you; I was and exile; Would rather think God ‘s unchangeable substance was necessitated to err than confess that my mutable nature had gone astray of its own accord and to err was its punishment.
4.16.28: could not understand Arist. Ten Categories; God is not a body—what did it profit me?
4.16.30-31: I had my back to the light and my face toward the things on which the light fell; I wandered far away from you into a far country, so that I might waste it all upon lust and harlots. Confess perversity and return.
Book 5: Rome and Milan
( Encounters Faustus the Manichean, who is a fraud; leaves for Rome to teach rhetoric but is disillusioned when students don’t pay himand have more civil students; leaves secretly, abandoning Monica; gets sick at Rome; interest in the Academics (skeptics of the third academy); goes to Milan, is tested by public discourse; Symmachus, then prefect of Rome sends him to Milan and to Ambrose, its bishop. Ambrose teaches him the spiritual reading of the scriptures, but he can’t yet conceive of a spiritual substance and rid himself of Manichaeism.
5.1.1. Accept the sacrifice of my confession from the hand which is my tongue; praise; you loose your hand in mercy or vengeance; no hiding
5.2.2: Whither do the wicked flee when thy flee from your face?; they withdraw themselves from our gentleness and fall upon severity; be converted and confess: Where and when did I seek you? You were before me, but I had departed even from myself, and I did not find myself, how much less you.
5.3.4: Faustus; pride of astrology, curositas, carnal indulgence
5.3.6: is ordered to believe in Mani’s astrology but can’t because it disagrees with his own knowledge est. by mathematics
5.4.7: who owns the tree and gives thanks is better than one who measures all its branches.
5.8.15: leaves Monica on the shore
5.9.16: gets sick at home=all his own sins and original sin, in which we all die in Adam (Was docetist not believing that Christ died a real death for his sins)
*5.10.18: still though it was not ourselves who sin, but some sort of different nature within us commits the sin. It gave joy to my pride to be above all guilt and when I did an evil deed, not to confess that I myself had done it, so that you might heal my soul, since it had sinned against you.
* 5.10.19: I did not know God except as a corporal mass for I thought anything not a body could not exist. THIS WAS THE GREATEST AND ALMOST THE SOLE CAUSE OF MY INEVITABLE ERROR. Evil has to be a substance and mind a subtle body; Christ could not be polluted by flesh
5.11.21: Manichees reject the NT has advancing Judaism
5.12.22: teaches rhetoric at Rome and is cheated by students; tries for position at Milan
5.13.23: Ambrose welcomes him on his pilgrimage
5.14.24: Ambrose explains spiritual meaning of the scripture
5.14.25: Still unable to foil Manichees in conceiving of a spiritual substance
Book 6: Years of struggle
(Mother joins him; he prepared to make an address praising the emperor, Valeninian (372-392, later murdered by Abrogast, the Frank; the beggar and the Happy Life, Alypius and Nebridius; discoveres Catholicism does not teach what he thought, but delays conversion; separates from mother of Adeodatus)
6.1.1. I sought for you outside myself , but did not find you, God of my heart .
6.2.2: Monica’s problem with funeral feasts corrected by Ambrose
6.3.3: Ambrose reads silently
6.3.4: understands that “man is made in the image of God” is meant spiritually: God is not confined to space, but man is. Still cannot figure out what a spiritual substance is.
6.4.5: God cannot be confined to space
6.4.6: learns to read scriptures spiritually, not literally; did not know how to conceive except in a corporal way; wanted to be certain of God as is that 3 + 7 make 10, but God cannot be known by senses.
6.5.7: he realizes how much he takes on faith anyway
6.5.8: he knows not exactly what must be thought concerning God’s substantial being or what way led up to you or back to you; we are too weak to find the truth by pure reason and need the authority of faith; less prejudiced against humble style
6.5.8: I wavered back and forth; I wandered; you did not forsake me
6.6.9: Beggar and he happy life; he wants glory, but nt God’s glory
6.7.11: Alypius and Nebridius, Alypius rebuked for love of circus
6.8.13: Alypius and the Gladiators: curiosity and delight; drunk of blood and pleasure
6.9.14: Alypius and the Thief; he is arrested, though innocent
6.10.16: Alypius as public official
6.11.18: Catholic faith does not teach what we once thought; God is not limited by the shape of the human body; Do we still hesitate to knock, that it may be opened?
6.11.19: Why delay devoting self to seeking God? His former aims: a governorship; rich wife; pursuit of wisdom
6.11.20: delayed conversion because he believed continence lay within his power. No one can be continent unless God gives it.
6.12.21: Alypius keeps him from marrying since it would break up their leisure together; he is chaste; he thinks marriage a punishment; proposals for community life vetoed by wives
6.12.22: he likes sex,but not marriage and children]
6.13.23: arrangements made for him to marry a young woman
6.15.25: he separates from the mother of Adeodatus, departs “my heart lay bare and beating”; she returns to Africa vowing chastity; he takes another mistress immediately
6.16.26: fear of death and judgment is all that draws him back; love of friends keeps him tied to the world; he loves them for their own sakes, but cannot see that virtue could be loved for its own sake; proud soul fell away from God and turned and tossed, but all places are hard, for God is the only rest.
Book 7: Problems of Thought and Belief
*7.1.1: Still could conceive of no substantial being except such as those one sees with eyes. He believes that God is incorruptible and immutable; hence, although he does no thing of God as being in the shape of a human body, he is forces to think of God as something corporeal, existence in space and place, either infused into the world or diffused through infinite space. substance but corporate and material existing in space or place.
7.2.1: Nor had he any idea of his own self: I did not perceive that the mental power by which I formed these images was so such corporeal substance. (knowledge of incorporeal God linked to knowledge of incorporeal mind.) God penetrates all bodies so that big bodies have more of God than small ones.
7.2.3: Niebrius’ question: “what would the evil kingdom of darkness do if you had refused to contend with it?” (Manicchaeism cannot have a “good” substance, because any substance by definition is material and corruptible: God has to be immaterial and not a “substance” in that sense.)
7.3.4: No knowledge of the cause of evil
7.3.5: Thought that free decision is the cause of our doing evil; was sure he had a will-- I was certain that when I willed a thing or refused to will it, It was I alone who willed or refused to do will. I was beginning to see that their lay the cause of my sin. I saw that what I did against my will was something done to me, rather than something I actually did. I concluded it was not my fault, but my punishment (and this is not unjust). When do I will evil and not the good, when God made me. Whence comes the devil’s perverse will?
7.4.5: confesses that God is incorruptible, the soul can conceive of nothing better (cf. Anselm)
No corruptible defiles God, what he wills for himself is good, and he himself is that same good, and he cannot be forced to do anything against his will, because his will is not greater than his power. God’s will and power are God himself.
7.5.7: God is the cosmic sponge: creation is in interstices; was evil something left over? Could it exist apart from God? He wavers but does not depart
7.6.8: rejects astrology, the stars as having any force over human destiny
7.6.11: Let no man say to you, “What is this?” or “Why is that?: Let him not say it, let him not say if, for is but a man.”
7.7.11: Whence evil? The light of my eyes was not with me…It was within; I was outside, but it was nt in any place. I was intent on the things that are contained in places, but found no rest.
7.7.11: By serving God, one could subdue the body, but when I would rise up in pride against you, it would rebel...You humble the proud man.
7.8.12: By the secret hand of the physician my wound subsided
7.9.12: you resist the proud and give grace to the humble; show mercy in shoing the way of humility, the Word made flesh
7.9.13: the Platonists; ibi, quo he does not find the Word made flesh in the Platonists; only partial wisdom
7.9.13: Christ shows [God] resists the proud.
7.9.14: Christ=humility; servant, obedient to death on the cross. [All inversions of classical honor code.] He died for sinners [not the righteous].
*7.10.16: mystic vision: see unchangeable light; is beaten back “far from you in a region of unlikeness”. . .you will not change me into yourself, as you change food into your flesh, but you will be changed into me.” “I am who am”; no more doubt. (Human beings will be divinized)
7.12.18: evil cannot be a substance because then it would exist and be a good
7.13.19: to God nothing is evil, though certain parts disagree and are not in harmony
7.14.20: momentary return to idea of two substances, because he would not admit anything displeasing to it was God’s work.
7.15.21: All things exist in God’s truth and are in harmony with him
*7.16.22: Evil is perversity of will, twisted away from the supreme substance (God) towards lower things. (Also: casting away oneself and being proud about it.)
7.17.23: Platonic ladder: he sees when he is removed from fleshly obsessions he can perceive spiritual things, but he is struck back
*7.18.24: Christ=the humble man--by clinging to him, we are raised; he heals pride by teaching weakness.
7.19.25: He acknowledges Christ is a complete man (leaving docetism); Alypius is Logos Sarx/Apollinarian and confessed truth
7.20.26: Platonists lack way of Christ and he becomes proud in his wisdom Lacked charity
7.21.27: Paul; What does one have that one has not received? We have sinned Gods judgment is upon us, We need grace to deliver us from death. Platonists have pride - no piety, confession, sacrifice, humility. It is one thing to behold a land of peace and find no way to it; another the be ambushed
Book 8: Grace and Truth
(Learns of Conversions of Pontinicanus, Victorinus, the government agents reading Anthony’s Life. Is puzzled by his division of will, which he decides it the failure to will in entirety; a division which is the punishment of Adam=original sin. Is converted in the garden with Alypius.)
8.1.1: Let me confess the mercies; you have broken my bonds; offers sacrifice of praise
loath to tread the harder passes, turns to Simplicanus
8.1.2: by the testimony of the whole creation I had found you our creator (men of varied virtue are in the church): I had found the pearl of great prince but hesitates to buy it.
8.2.1: conversion of Victorinus, prof. of rhetoric at Rome, bent his neck to yoke of humility
(He is ashamed of the mysteries of the humility of our Word; public profession shocks Rome
*8.3.8: (God has ordered the world so that) greater joy is preceded by greater suffering. More rejoicing over the one lost sheep than the 99 who never strayed; drachma restored; prodigal son found: Why this greater joy? We alternature between strife and harmony: great chain of being from angel to the worm; each has its proper place and season. Nowhere do you depart from us, and we scarcely return to you.
8.4.9: Grace: work within us, rouse us and call us back. Let us love you and run to you. The weak confound the wise. [=Dialectical thinking characteristic of Christianity.] Inversion of worldly honor (seems to be believed by Aug. where it is not by Jerome).
*8.5.10: The enemy had control of my will and fashioned a chain of iron and fettered me with it; lust is made out of a perverse will and when lust is served, it becomes habit, and when habit is not resisted, it becomes necessity. Two wills carnal and spiritual contended with each other.
8.5.11: I will and did not will; I was victim, I suffered it against my will rather than did it voluntarily.
8.5.12: the law of sin is the force of habit; Christ necessary to deliver me from body of death (=original sin in Adam)
8.6.13: Ponticianus and the agentes in rebus find Life of Anthony and are converted to “become God’s friend
8.7.16: you stood me face to face with myself, so that I might see hw foul I was, how deformed and defiled. . .but there was no place for me to flee to away from myself; you placed me in from of myself
8.7.17: Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
8.7.18: I stood stripped naked before myself and my conscience upbraided me.; P. departed and I went into myself, what was there I did not say against myself.
8.8.19: Because I did not enter into your will and into a covenant with you (I quaked).
*8.8.20: (he can’t fully mobilize desire behind the will) Yet I did not do that which I wanted to do with an incomparably greater desire, and could have done as soon as I willed to act, for immediately, when I made that act of will, I would have willed with efficacy. In such an act the power to act and the will are the same, and the very act of willing is actually to do the deed.
*8.9.21: two wills: the mind gives orders to itself and is resisted, for it des not will in its entirety. It is a sickness; two wills exist, since one of them is not complete, and what is lacking in one of them is present in the other. (Divided will=two wills).
*8.10.22: But this division of mind does not mean we have two natures; one good and one evil, this is pride: it is I myself who willed it and I myself who did not will it (completely). It was not the nature of a different mind within me, but rather the punishment of my own nature. No more that I did, but sin that dwells in me issuing from punishment of a more voluntary sin of Adam (=original sin).
8.11.25: habit vs. the chaste dignity of continence
8.12.28-29: "Tolle, lege", the mysterious voice from the garden triggers his conversion (Rm. 13.13.-14) Sortes biblicae: “Note in rioting and drunkenness; not in chambering and impurities, not in strife and envying, but put you on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make more provision for the flesh in its concupiscences.” Alypius takes the next verse: “Now him that is weak in the faith take unto you.” Goes to Monica, this is her dream of him standing on the ruler of faith.
Book 9: Some soul set; Free New Catholic
(Gets sick and has excuse to abandon the “chair of lies”; goes to Cassiacicum; resigns professorhsip, Ambrose tells him to read Isaias; baptized Easter, 387; joined by Adeodatus; Ambrose discovers Gervase and Protase; decide to return to Africa, Monica dies in Ostia)
9.1.1: bonds broken; praise; “who am I and what am I” Is there any evil that is not found in my acts, words, will? I am an abyss of corruption. This is the sum of it: not to will what I willed and to will what you willed. What is meant by “free will”? (Being free from sin.)
9.2.2; decides on gentle withdraw
9.2.3: we were transfixed; you turned us from black to shining bright, from death to life, so that we would not turn towards lower things.l resigns the chair of lies
9.2.5: Verecundus dies; they had gone to his place at Cassiciacum’ conversion of Nebridius and whole household
9.2.4: At Cassiciacum: reads Isaias
9.6.14: He is baptized in Milan in easter 387, joins Adeodatus, Born of me in the flesh out of my sin, wrote de magistris for him.
9.7.15: Ambrose discovers bodies of Gervase and Protase; problems with Arians who had been backed by Justin, mother of Valeninian.
9.8.17: decides to return to Africa; Monica dies in Ostia, Life of Monica
9.8.10: Vision at Ostia with Monica: rising with more ardent love, proceeded step by step through all bodily things up to that heaven; ascended higher yet by means of inward thought and came up to our own minds. We transcended them, so that we attained to the region of abundance that never fails….where life is that Wisdom which all things are made…; we turned back again; she is 56 and he is 33.
9.12.20: his life is ripped asunder, for out of her life and mine one life had been made; he is saddened by the weakness of human affection; takes comfort in weeping for the small part of an hours (fears others will be critical)
9.13.35: beseeches God on behalf of Monica’s sins
*9.13.36: Her sins are blotted out by Christ, who shall pour back his innocent blood; repay him the price by which he bought us . . .Her sins have been forgiven by him to whom no one can return that price which he who owed nothing retuned for us.
9.13.37: fellow citizens in that eternal Jerusalem, which your pilgrim people sigh after from their setting forth even to their return
Book 10: Memory
(We have a memory of God in Adam and thus recognize God when we find or recover him; mystery of man; anxiety about various sins; end of pilgrimage in continence gathering together scattered pieces and God giving what he commands; humble mediation of Christ)
10.1.1: I shall know you, my knower, even as I am known. Weep over sin. Enter into my and fit it for your self. Confession of truth before many witnesses.
10.2.2: You can hide from your self, but not from God. Abyss of conscience; my confession is of my own evil, but when righteous to attribute righteousness to God; you bless the just man, but first justify him.
10.3.3: confession will awaken love of mercy
10.3.4: Confession: Through grace, whoever is weak is strong.
10.4.5: grace: all my goods are things that you have established and they are your gifts; my evils are my own misdeeds and your judgments upon me.. .
10.4.6: You are all my goods, you are with me even before I am with you. Companions pilgrims on the journey
10.5.7: As long as I journey apart from you, I am more present to myself than to you. . . Let me confess what I know about myself; and what I do not know. . .to be enlightened
10.6.8: What do I love when I love my God?
10.6.9: God is not the stars, or man, rather better is than inner being, the mind; God is the life of life; the life of the soul: ladder: men question so that they may clearly see the invisible things of God being understood by the things that are made.
10.8.14: I encounter myself in memory; encounter images
10.8.15: Great is the power of memory, exceedingly great is it, O God, an inner chamber, vast and unbounded! Who has penetrated to its very bottom? Yet it is a power of my mind and it belongs to my nature and thus I do not comprehend all that I am.
10.9.16: he retains more than just the image, but the reality of things themselves for certain things; for others, only images
*10.10.17: Arist: 3 questions: does it exist? What is it? What are its properties? Learning as recollection.
10.11.18: to think is to gather together; Soul is recollected thru memory - confession
10.14.19: memory is the mind’s stomach
1014.20: 4 passions are in memory and disturb it by recollection as food is brought forward from the stomach
10.15.23: we recall the images of the sun, or stones, or bodily pain or heath
10.16.24: We cannot forget unless we at some level, retain a memory of what is forgotten so that it can be remembered. Forgetfulness is a privation of memory.
10.16.25: But the thing itself must exist for us to have an impression or memory of it.
*10.17.26: Great is the power of memory and this I am myself; this thing is the mind, and this am I myself. I will pass thru memory to find you ; But I can not find God apart from memory; how can I find you if I do not remember you?
*10.18.27: The Lost drachma: Recollection. When something is found again, it is recognized by the image which is within: like the drachma restored.
How can we know God unless we recognized (remember) him
*10.18.27: The Lost drachma: Recollection. When something is found again, it is recognized by the image which is within: like the drachma restored.
*10.20.29: In Adam, we all knew God and the happy life..
10.23.33: joy in the truth is the happy life; they would not love it unless they had some knowledge of it in their memory. They are unhappy because they are taken up with other things.
*10.24.35: How far in memory have I traveled in search of God, and beyond it I have not found him...wheresoever I found truth, I found God.
10.25.36: You are not the mind, but God of the mind. You don’t find God in a “Place”
*10.27.36: Late have I loved you.
10.28.39: The life of man upon earth is a trial; prosperity/adversity
*10.29.40: Give what you command, command what you will; no man can be continent unless god gave it; by continence we are gathered together and brought back to the One from whom we have dissipated our being into many things. (also 10.31.45)
10.30.21: sexual dreams prove that it is not ourselves who do this, but it is done unto us.
10.31.43: Wage daily warfare by fasting to bring body into subjection: dangerous line between dealth/necessity and pleasure (lust is gone but gluttony tempts him)
10.35.57: My one hope is your exceedingly great mercy.
10.32.48: Within me are those lamentable dark areas wherein my own capacities lie hidden from me.
*10.33.50: Dangers of music; For in your sight I have become a riddle to myself, and that is my infirmity.
10.34.51: pleasures of the eyes; arts and crafts
10.35.54: Morbid curiosity and perverted science
10.35.57: the dog chasing the rabbit in the circus does not draw him, but in the field it does
10.36.58: names his first crime as self-vindication
10.36.59: desire to dominate others by fear of love condemned
10.37.60: temptation of praise; cleanse me from my secret sins
10.39.64: Presumption and selfishness; those who please themselves displease God
10.40.65: (End of Pilgrimage through self-examination and memory.) I entered into the recesses of my memory...myself was not you. You were that light I consulted concerning all these things....my refuge. I can find no safe place for my soul except in you. In you may my scattered longings be gathered together and from you may no part of me ever depart.
10.29.40: By continence we are gather together and brought back to the One, from whom we have dissipated our being into many things.
10.43.68: Christ is the true mediator to teach humility; priest and sacrifice dying for sinners